Week 30 – Inside the Tunnel

To be or not to be… That is the question.  To be the new and improved me requires constant diligence but the push pull of the new verses the old is sometimes really exhausting.  I’ve been given glimpses into my future and then nothing…. and in the nothing is when I feel like a loose faith.  My energy starts to die in my body and the cloud comes over me.  Hormones it could be, but whatever it is… it is a crap feeling…. Is this being inside the tunnel on the hero’s journey?  Last week the train left the station and this week it is having trouble moving through the tunnel.. filled with dense coal air… I’m finding it hard to breathe.. yes the light is at the end.. but I’m telling you this thick air filled with coal particles is a little challenging.  At the same time it’s become clear that I really haven’t made a clear choice.  I have a studio filled with art supplies that I used to make my work years ago and I can’t seem to let it go.  I have moved on to clay and other works now and have been expressing creatively through this medium and have based my business on it for now… Who is it that I really want to be?  What is it that I really want to be doing?  I await the answer from within.

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13 thoughts on “Week 30 – Inside the Tunnel

  1. Charlottes Masterkey

    I know the feeling.. sadly you are not alone.. this really takes up a lot of energy.. but I think it is so worth it..
    The interesting part is really.. what is it that we REALLY want..
    We are not use to be asked this and actually be allowed to go for it,,
    Maybe now you are ‘playing’ with clay you should see the concrete as clay that only has dried up.. you can do something about that 🙂
    Happy process..
    Charlotte R.

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    1. masterkeybrony Post author

      Thanks Charlotte! I’m clearing the clutter that surrounds me and I’m feeling excited because I really am ready to let go. I have spent years ‘trying’ to let go but now I am ready on the inside… Who am I who am I who am I who do I want to be?? The answers are coming..:-)

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      1. masterkeyrea

        Brony, I do not believe there is a answer to “who am I”- there is a old quote about not being able to put your foot in the same river twice. So the answer for me was “EVER CHANGING WHOLE, PERFECT………..”

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  2. mkdeanna

    Brony, I love your posts. In them I read clarity.
    For myself, as an artist too… It can be difficult to let go of supplies because I love to experiment yet I also know some unused items are just taking up space. I am in the process of late to clear out my studio as well as my entire home and it takes time amongst all the other things I am doing. What I have learned, and spring cleaning is a good understanding for me, is that uncluttering my environment also unclutters my mind and my life. I am all about simplifying. I used to do this every year and now I am back on it. Perhaps it has something to do with all this recent growth we are going into. ?? Does not really matter, what matters is the clearing. It’s time to put this back into my life on a larger scale other than just tossing out garbage. lol Out with the old, in with the new. Clearing for me is a way to allow all that I desire to manifest forth. For me, it unblocks the energy. Happy Days!! You Rock!!

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    1. masterkeybrony Post author

      Thanks heaps Deana, it really does help me when I read comments and posts… Thanks! I have begun the clean out. DO IT NOW!! So even though I only had a couple hours.. I just kept chanting ‘just do it!’… So within minutes my first bin load was full. No going back now! Only going forward allowing new doors to open!! Yay!

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  3. masterkeybrony Post author

    Oh yes! thanks so much for sharing your process… It is time! and I really am ready now. I’ve been wanting to cull for a long time but I always seemed to acquire more and more… then feeling swamped… I would ignore it all. But I realised the other week and it gave me a sense of freedom… was… If it is meant to be in my life it will come back when I need it… BECAUSE I AM A CREATOR!! Wahoooooooooooo!!!!!! I appreciate your comment heaps!

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  4. masterkeyrea

    Brony,
    I read all 5 of the posts and am actually happy to see you thinking through the issues. You are in a great place and need only to see yourself with out the Past filters and the future. Neither of which exist for us. Many of us, and this includes me, thought we were struggling after the class came to the commencement. We all are going through a process to rethink our lives.We can call what is happening by the memories we have and use words that empowers us. The problem is now we are aware of it and we want to do anything and at times loose faith.
    I was trying to focus on something and went into a sit for the entire day, which I can do with being in the NOW. I came up with a completely new target in life with a 500 year Goal. The short of the story is that I no longer focus on what Goals/Targets are and what is frustrating me in the moment.I want to do everything, see everything, BE everything. Now I see things with a question and I’m good. I only say “I AM” nothing else when I go into a traditional sit. I also am able to be there all day.

    Stay with your power and all is well and always will be

    Joy, Peace & Light – BE – with you always; all ways.

    Robert

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    1. masterkeybrony Post author

      It’s a big one to let the goals go and trust and just be in the moment but on this trip I’m having the experiences of just that. There’s been a few things I’ve been very clear on wanting.. Some so simple as a particular moisturiser and wholla!! Out of the blue.. Once letting it go(not thinking if it) it appeared.. And there was no cost.. So the message to me… Be very very clear!

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  5. masterkeyrea

    Brony, to be very clear – in the present moment you do not let go of your goals. You stay in the awareness of what is happening and living in that moment. It is when we go to the past to figure things out and look to the future we cause ourselves anxiety. A goal/target with a plan can be in your NOW and worked on towards a desired outcome. The difference is HUGE.
    Where we strain the power within is when we take the past and use that filter to live and never enjoy the life we are in. I know it’s around and around but there is a point of understanding this and experiencing pure JOY from within and seemly be in an unpleasant condition.I no longer believe in Stress because I completely understand it is my response to a stimulus where I create stress. So before I respond I use the gap to make a choice. and in that choice I have all the power I own at hand. When I respond immediately which I still do. there is no gap and I loose the power, the Joy and feel out of harmony with everything now. I wish there was a easy way to put this, but I’ve only referred to the analogy of the mouse and the bull elephant. If we use our unconscious mind (just the 5 senses) to resolve everything, we are acting like a mouse. When we use the subby/spirit within then we run around like a elephant with power, creativity, and energy beyond the effortlessness spoke of in the MKE.
    While walking around the times square in New York and observing other people. I could see who uses this power and who did not. the Truth is we all have the power. we need only receive it’s use and learn to apply it in everything we do..

    Joy, Peace & Light – BE – with you always; all ways.

    Robert

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